There are both benefits and risks to being a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser can help both your personal life and professional career, but there are also risks to be aware of.
What are some good qualities of being a people pleaser?
Great at resolving conflict
People pleasers tend to be great at resolving conflicts. Their innate desire to see everyone happy leads to them identifying solutions that will please all parties involved.
They know everyone's needs and use this to craft solutions to problems that meet those needs. This is a good talent to have for negotiators or business people and can be a valuable addition to a team.
They know someone that can help
People pleasers are usually a good person to contact when you need to know who else to go to. They tend to be sociable and make a lot of connections. When you need to know someone that has the skills and knowledge to put a report together for your boss, they can help direct you to just the right resource.
They are generous
People pleasers tend to be generous. This is both their time and possessions. If you need something they will be there to help, whether it's help in completing a tough project or advice on what to do in your personal life. Their desire to please leads to their consistent willingness to help others.
What are some of the risks of being a people pleasers?
Don't always realize they have a choice
People pleasers are hardwired to say yes. They believe that they must say yes. The reality is that sometimes they should say no. This can be a struggle for a people pleaser, but if they can learn to say no they will have more balance and effectiveness in what they do.
Tendency to apologize
Apologizing is a good thing. If you've made a mistake that has had a negative impact on others, you should absolutely apologize for it. If you did not make a mistake you should not apologize for it. The people pleasers tends to apologize for anything negative. It's important to realize when something is your fault and is not your fault. Don't transfer blame onto yourself for something you're not responsible for.
Fear of the fallout
People pleasers tend to believe that the fallout of saying no or disappointing someone will be catastrophic. Everything will fall part, they won't like me, my career will be ruined if I don't say yes! The opposite can often be true. If you say yes too often, other people will learn that you will always say yes. They will come to you for help with things that no one else will want because you will say yes.
The reality is that you can often improve your reputation, career and life by learning when to say no. Saying no, when it's appropriate can help to redirect the actions of others. You can use it to point someone in the right direction. In the long run you can earn more respect by saying yes and no together effectively.
Don't celebrate their own success
People pleasers can sometimes struggle to see their own success. They may have done something great and be focused on what they got wrong or how parts of what they did still let people down. They are constantly searching for validation and believe there's more they need to do.
The reality is that they are often doing great things. They should try to stop and reflect on what they've achieved. Look at the good that they've helped do for both themselves and others and work to admit that they are responsible for that good.
You will see a lot of articles that say people pleasing is a bad thing. Anything in excess can be. The key as with all things is moderation. If you are a people pleaser, try to be self aware and use some of these strategies to moderate your tendency to people please so that you can also focus on and take care of yourself.
Are you a people pleaser or do you know someone who is? I want to hear about it! Post below or contact me!
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