What is Self-Awareness and How to Improve It

 

Who Are You Scrabble Tiles | Brett Jordan | Pexels

I enjoy the NBC hit show Parks and Recreation. In the show there is a character named Ron Swanson, portrayed by Nick Offerman. In one of the episodes Ron is at a diner with his coworker Leslie and orders a number 8.  The server replies, "That's a party platter; it serves 12 people.".  To which Ron replies, "I know what I'm about son." The server then nods his head, spins and walks away to enter the order.

This is certainly funny, because Ron is ordering enough food for 12 people. What isn't funny is how self aware Ron is. Ron, in his own words, knows what he is about. He did not appear embarrassed, he didn't laugh or apologize. He spoke plainly and clearly that he knew what he was about.

Being self aware is a valuable trait that everyone should cultivate. In philosophy, self-awareness is the experience of one's own personality or individuality. Through self-awareness you come to understand your own character, feelings, motives and desires. You can understand your strengths and your weaknesses. 

When you are not self aware, you run the risk of repeating mistakes over and over. Of going after things or taking on projects that will not result in your best work. When you are self aware, it's easy to know what to do and what you can take on. You will be better at managing your own emotions and relationships too.

Early in my career, if you had asked me if I was self aware, I would have said yes I am. I was very confident when I was young. I was really more confident than I had a right to be at that time to be totally honest. I would have told you I know who I am and what I'm about. The reality is that, as a young professional and leader, there was so much about myself that I didn't know. I wasn't aware of everything that I was good at and I was blind to a lot of my weaknesses. I thought I was great at everything and could beat anyone in the business world at anything. The reality was that I did have strengths and I also had weaknesses. 

As my career progressed, both my strengths and weaknesses became more apparent. I learned that I was good at driving a sales team and meeting tough targets. I also learned that I was often too direct and came across as aggressive an unfunny to work with. Those two traits combined to form a recipe for disaster. They came to a head and I got some truly direct and critical feedback from my team and my boss. It was the first time in my life I had gotten such honest and negative feedback about my work. It caused me to really stop and think about the way I worked. I took that feedback and used it as a jumping off point to better understand what worked and didn't work in my professional life and leadership.

We often think we are self aware, but are not as aware as we think we are. In the show American Idol, there is always that contestant that believes they can win the competition. They stride confidently onstage and explain to the judges that they are going to sing some fantastic song. They talk about their history with and love of music. You can feel their passion for singing from home. The music starts and they begin to sing...poorly. You can't believe how poorly they sing. They don't make it through their song before the judges stop them. They critique them and give them the bad news. The contestant disagrees and asks for another chance. They are completely unaware of their actual strengths and talents. 

They are not living their best life because they are chasing a dream that they can never fulfill. By being blind to who they are as a person they are doomed to make avoidable mistakes and endure hardships that they don't need to. In contrast, if they were self aware, they could pursue the things they love, things they are good at and things that they will be successful in. They would have a much more happy and fulfilling life.

How can you become more self aware?

Be a student of your own life 

First, you should understand that it's important to truly know yourself. Look inward at who you are. Think about the things you love doing and the things you don't love doing. Look back at your life and identify when you were happiest. What were you doing? What regrets do you have for the things you didn't do in your life?

Be honest with yourself 

Don't be defensive. You should, of course, be your own biggest fan. You should also be open to understanding more about yourself. If you have negative aspects about yourself that you become aware of, don't sugarcoat them or rationalize your behavior. Look at it objectively and the impact it's having on your life and those around you. 

Review your own performance

In our jobs or life we often wait for those that are in charge or leading us to give us feedback about our performance. That's not the best way to be successful. Stop and ask yourself how you are doing. Do your own independent performance review. What are you good at and what are you bad at? What is working and what isn't working. How can you better use your strengths to achieve goals while minimizing the risks of your weaknesses.

Be open to feedback

In your life, you will get critical feedback. It's important that you allow yourself to have a momentary emotional reaction, but to also be willing to hear what the other person is saying. This is their experience with you and is valid based on their perspective. Feedback is like getting socks as a gift. You don't want it, but you often need it. Understand that all feedback is welcome and valuable. 

Check out this article: Why you want and how to take critical feedback

Take note

Journalling is underrated. I know that it can seem silly, but I'm not talking about something like "Dear diary, today at School I saw this cute person I like." I'm talking about writing down your feelings and reactions to different things that happen in your life. This serves a couple of different purposes. First, it helps you to more clearly sort though your thoughts and feelings and better understand them. Two it reinforces those experiences, your reactions to them and helps you to solidify how you will react in the future. Oh, and do this on paper or with something like an Apple Pencil  The act of writing them down is far more effective when you write them by hand. 

Never stop learning

No matter how well you think you know yourself, there will always be something new to learn. You should be a student of your own life, not just now, but on an ongoing basis. As you learn new things and implement them in your life, there will be new reactions and emotions to those experiences. These are new opportunities to learn things about yourself. Take the chance to become better acquainted with who you are.

Being self aware can seem scary at first, because you might learn things about yourself you don't like and be forced to face them. The journey on the other side of that obstacle, however, is so much more fulfilling. Do you struggle with self awareness? I want to hear about it! Tell me below or contact me!