How I Say No At Work

 

Say No At Work | Gabby K | Pexels

Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed with things you have to get done? You have task stacked upon task stacked upon task. You have to get up early to start work and you have to stay late to finish work. You never feel caught up and you never get everything on your list checked off. There is no downtime, there is no day to relax. Even when you have to take time off, you feel anxious about the work that isn't getting done and new work that is building up. It's a very stressful way to live.

Early in my career I would say yes to everything that came my way. I was new in my role in a new part of my organization and I wanted to "show up" really well. It didn't matter what the task was or where it came from. It didn't matter if the task was aligned with my job description or what my department's goals were. If I was asked to do something, the answer was always yes. 

This was fine at first, because people weren't really sure what they could ask of me and were hesitant to ask me to do harder things. Over time however this became an ever increasing stream of requests. I continued to say yes, because I thought that is what I should do. Things began to build up and I started to arrive at work early and stay later and later. It wasn't uncommon to get to work at 7 or 7:30 in the morning and leave at 6 then get home and continue to work until 10:30 or later in the evening.

There was a significant toll that began to build up emotionally, professionally and personally that I had to pay the price for. I was unable to successfully complete big projects on time. I didn't have time for my family and I didn't have time for my friends, let alone my own personal pursuits. Something had to change. I realized that I needed to say No at work. I learned to say no through a bit of trial and error.  Here's how I do it.

Why should you say no?

You Teach Other People How to Treat You

I've written about this before. You teach other people how to treat you. In my early career, I taught people that I would do whatever they asked, regardless if it was my job or not. Over time people learned that if they had something hard or tedious, they could just pawn the work off on me and I would say yes with a smile and get their work done. This wasn't good for me and it wasn't really good for them either. I needed to be able to redirect people.

Saying yes all the time isn't good for other people

I've learned more in my life from the mistakes and the struggles than I have from the easy successes. In fact most people learn more from the hard times than the good times. For that reason, you should say no when things come across your desk that aren't really your responsibility. Feel free to offer advice or point someone in the right direction, but do them a favor and tell them no. Let them learn and develop on their own. Their responsibilities aren't your responsibilities. 

You have enough on your plate

Your own job is enough already. you don't need to take on the jobs of other people. Focus on your own work and being the best you can be at that. Plus if you take on everyone else's work, you'll slowly burn out and your productivity will drop over time. Eventually you won't be doing their work and especially your own core job effectively. That's not good for you or them. For both your sakes, but especially for your sake, stay focused on your responsibilities and work, not other peoples. 

Ok, so how DO you say no?

Don't beat around the bush

You ever notice how someone is going to tell you something. You can feel it coming, but they're taking forever to get to it. They might even use language that tells you they're going to say no, but they're working up to it. It's maddening. Don't do that. Instead be super direct and straightforward. Don't use weak language either like, "I wish I could" or "I can't right now". You're only inviting a deeper conversation on why you can't. You give the impression that you really do want to do the task when you don't. Instead be direct and say something simple like "No, I can't help with that"

You don't owe an explanation

Unless it's your boss, you don't owe anyone an explanation for why you aren't going to say yes. The reality is that you can invite trouble by offering explanations. Saying something like "I can't do that because I'm overwhelmed with this other project right now.", just invites them to come back when that project is complete. Don't fall into that trap. It's OK to be super direct and sometimes even a little rude. Remember they're asking for your help, you don't owe them your labor for free. 

Redirect to the right resource

Sometimes you don't have to flatly say no. You can instead direct folks to the right person, resource or process for that. Oftentimes it's a simple fix that folks can do themselves. Recently someone asked me to handle a part of their project that involved working on excel because they said they didn't understand how to do it. I said I couldn't help with that project, but sent them a link that walked through how to do what they were looking to do. Offering an alternative is an effective way to say no, especially if you're redirecting to the right way to get things done. 

Be honest

Don't make up a song and dance about why you can't help. Not only is that unnecessary, but what if you get caught in a lie? You are the one that looks bad. Just be honest. You don't need to give an explanation for why you can't help. The truth is a good enough reason. Offer an alternative route or flatly decline and move on. 

Get ready to say it twice

As a father, I've gotten good at saying no. My kids are very good at asking over and over again. If I didn't learn to say no to them repeatedly I would go broke with all of the things they ask for. At work, if I didn't say no to people that asked me to do extra credit for them, I'd be broke from a time perspective. People will ask you and come back and ask you again later. Remember the answer was not the first time and it's still no this time. You don't need to tell them why, or make up a story. Offer an alternative if you have one, but don't bend and say yes the second time. If you do, you'll only teach them to pester you again in the future.

If you're feeling overwhelmed and like you have too much on your plate try saying no. You'll find that at first, it's a little intimidating to say no to folks, especially if you're used to saying yes. The reality is, that folks will usually just accept it and move on. It feels great to be able to be firm without causing a ruckus. Go try it today and then come back and let me know how it went.

Do you struggle with saying no? I want to hear about your experiences. Tell me below or contact me!